According to all the movies, books, and everybody else, having a baby is supposed to be the happiest moment of your life right?
Well that wasn’t the case for me, and I felt horrible about it. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have such an easy pregnancy and delivery, because I felt like my daughter was just handed to me. I always thought that the battle of nine months of pregnancy, into hard labor is what started the bonding process between a mom and her baby. Not having that made me feel like I couldn’t make the connection between the movement I felt in my belly, and the baby girl I was now holding in my arms. Then, to top it all off, I felt guilty about feeling that way.
I’ve always said that I feel like pregnant don’t get enough care mentally, and physically post-birth. In most cases, we have gone through major medical procedures. If I go and have my liver, or my kidneys removed, I am given around-the-clock care. Why is it not the same urgency when you have a human being removed from your body? It’s all fun and games, until you’re sent home with a baby you know nothing about taking care of, and at the same time feeling like your body has been destroyed.
I didn’t feel my delivery since I opted for an epidural, but once I got home? Oh God. I was in tears several times a day from the pain, and then you introduce trying to figure out how to keep an entire other human alive? I don’t think I hardly left my room for about a week. I wasn’t getting any sleep, I wasn’t eating, and breastfeeding wasn’t working for me. It’s not my proudest moment, but I genuinely started to lose my will to live. I started to think, “if this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, then what’s the point?”
I survived postpartum by taking it one step at a time, literally! Get out of the house, let the sun shine on you, take a shower these are all super important to pull you out of a funk! I personally did things that made me feel like myself again like going to my mother-in-law’s for a barbecue, or getting my nails done, and just laughing with people I cared about. Every little thing helps! Now, I’ve caught my stride, and I’m confident in myself and my mommy skills! The post-labor pains are in the past, and I might just be ready to do it all again soon!
I feel like this is a sensitive topic because, there are those that think you should just suck it up, and there are those who feel strongly that postpartum depression is something new moms definitely deal with. Obviously, I’m with the people who acknowledge it as a serious and real thing! You know the saying, it takes a village to raise a child? Well we need our village the most in those days following delivery! To all the people who volunteer to cook or clean and help out while she’s pregnant, follow through! You never know how much a little help may go a long way. It can sometimes be lifesaving!