I’m not even gonna lie y’all. This one is a LONG time coming.
I genuinely think that pregnant women must have a sign on their head that says “PLEASE say/do whatever pops in your head around me”.
Since I’m on my third baby, I’m definitely familiar with all the stupid things people say. As my grandma used to say, “common sense ain’t common”.
So for the people who genuinely don’t know, here’s a guide to not getting yourself in a sticky situation with the pregnant ladies in your life.
1. Touch Her Belly Without Permission
What Not To Do: This one is (for me) one of the most annoying things people do. Not as much family, but strangers in public. Being pregnant does not mean that your personal space does not exist!
What To Do Instead: Unless you’ve asked permission, PLEASE keep your hands to yourself.
2. Commenting On Her Size/Weight
What Not To Say: I don’t know if people realize it or not, but yes we are aware that we grow as pregnancy goes along. You announcing it every time we walk in a room is not breaking news.
Yes, I am aware that most times people are referring to the baby that is growing. But humor me, if someone walked up to you everyday when you were self conscious about your weight for any reason and yelled “OMG, you’re so BIG!” How would that make you feel?
What’s even worse is asking questions like, “Are there twins in there?” or the infamous “I bet you’re due any day now”.
What To Say Instead: Simply saying “You’re glowing” or “Pregnancy looks amazing on you” will go a long way. An easy rule to remember is that our bodies are changing enormously every day so compliments go really far!
3. Ask About Future Kids...While They're Pregnant.
What Not To Say: Asking a woman in the middle of morning sickness, back pain, acne, and a million other symptoms whether or not they want to do this again is just asking for it.
What To Say Instead: Maybe just say how excited you are to meet the little one who will be making their appearance soon…or nothing at all!
4. Asking Personal Questions
What Not To Say: Asking if their child was planned, or if they are planning on getting their tubes tied after giving birth are never appropriate questions to ask someone unless they’ve asked your opinion.
What To Say Instead: Nothing, lol. Find something else to talk about at the dinner table.
5. Tell Her How To Feed Her Baby
What Not To Say: Hounding the mother-to-be about how they’ll choose to feed their baby when they’re born is a no-no.
What To Say Instead: Feel free to give them sound information on either breastfeeding or formula-feeding if asked, but keep in mind that every mom’s journey is different. Fed is best! Just because a method of feeding worked for you doesn’t mean it will work for every mom.
Also, for a mom who already has little ones at home, you don’t know what her struggle was with breastfeeding. It could be a really sore subject for some women.
6. Telling Horror Stories About Pregnancy/Delivery
What Not To Say: Bringing up that story about the time you ripped from the vag to butt is probably not the best idea to tell an expectant mama.
What To Say Instead: Let’s keep it encouraging guys! Tell positive stories or just tell them that they’ve got this! I’m on my third baby and it’s still a little scary to think about pushing a human out of my vagina, especially with having had a c-section last time. Have a little empathy and leave the scary stuff for after they’ve had a successful and safe delivery.
7. Talking About Her Name Choice
What Not To Say: There are very few people who haven’t given any thought into their baby’s name. So if they feel like sharing it with you, keep your opinion to yourself unless asked! Saying “That’s a stupid name” or “You should name him this because it sounds better” is a really messed up thing to do.
What To Say Instead: Even if she says she’s naming her baby Spongebob, either lie and say it’s cute or don’t say anything at all if you can avoid it. You can talk about how stupid it is on the ride home.
8. Being Negative About Her Birth Plan
What Not To Say: If a mom says that she is attempting a VBAC, your job is NOT to say “a c section is easier”. If she says she wants to birth in a tub, once again none of your business. Have a home birth? You guessed it. None of your business.
What You Should Say Instead: This is an insanely personal moment in her life. One that can sometimes seem out of control and overwhelming. I know it’s really important to me to feel supported by those closest to me in whatever I choose birth-wise. The best thing to do is to research her decision for yourself to see if you’re speaking from a place of ignorant bias or real information. And then support her as best you can!
9. Visiting The Hospital Or House Immediately After (Or During) Delivery
What Not To Do: When you’re in the hospital giving birth or even when you get home all you want to do is get acclimated with your baby. You don’t want to have to share. You don’t want to be worried about being indecent. You just want to let your titties fall where they may and learn your new little one. Especially in the hospital, where people are uncovering and recovering parts of you every few minutes. Please do not show up unannounced right after birth once again unless asked.
What To Do Instead: Check with the new mom and see if she wants visitors, or better yet give it a couple of days. Ask if she needs help and if not then back off. I promise she’ll want to show baby off soon!
10. Call Her Moody/Emotional
What Not To Say: Just like you should never call a woman crazy, definitely never call a pregnant woman moody or emotional. It’s one of those things that we all know is true, but also know not to say. This one is for your own personal safety, trust me.
What To Say Instead: “Goddess, I’m so sorry to offend. Of course you’re right. You’re always right! Would you like your faithful servant to go and grab you all of the ice cream the grocery store has in stock?” or something along those lines. But in all seriousness, don’t take anything she says right now to heart, and a little chocolate always makes everything better.