As a mom of soon-to-be three kids, I definitely don’t get everything right.
And with mistakes comes the dreaded mom guilt. Some days it feels like it could knock me over. Whether it’s specifically related to my relationships with my kids or my husband, I definitely have my moments of wondering if I’m good enough.
I especially noticed a difference since I’ve gotten farther along in my pregnancy with how much I get down on myself which probably has a lot to do with the hormones.
1. Screen Time
Screen time has been such a double edged sword for me during this pregnancy and through all of the lockdowns. It’s so easy to get a moment for myself if I set the kids in front of a tv with some snacks or hand them an iPad. On the flip side, obviously you don’t want them on electronics all day with no stimulation whatsoever.
How I Deal With It: To be honest, there’s no perfect answer as to how much screen time is fine for children in my opinion. You’ll always hear a different opinion no matter who you ask.
One of the first things I implemented was to put the kids on a schedule. Having a set time where I spend time with them and maybe do arts and crafts or have them do something non-screen related was a huge help.
The second thing I did was to delete all non-educational apps off of their iPads, so that at least if they were getting screen time I didn’t feel so bad about it!
Of course, you need to figure out what works best for your family, but this is what worked for mine.
2. My Phone Usage
I’m not going to even lie to you guys, my phone is a huge distraction! I used to always look down on parents who were on their phone the whole time they were with their kids. Then I became that mom. It’s so easy to get caught up in social media, checking emails, or even trying to catch the new little thing you kid has started doing.
How I Deal With It: What’s become my mantra is “everything in moderation”.
I’m not crazy enough to think that being on my phone is a problem that will be solved in a day. But setting limits on myself is definitely helpful. Honestly, the calendar helps in that aspect too! Since I have to be teaching, playing with, feeding, or putting the kids to bed for a large portion of my day. It doesn’t leave a lot of time for scrolling.
When I do indulge in my social media, it has a heck of a lot less anxiety and guilt tied to it and I can actually enjoy myself!
3. Keeping My House Clean
Lord, if this doesn’t keep me up at night. Sometimes I feel like such a crap wife and mom because my house is in a constant state of disarray.
As a SAHM I feel like most of the housework should be my responsibility but sometimes it’s really hard.
When you have two children whipping around the house like little tornadoes leaving a trail of destruction everywhere they go. It’s bound to start getting a little cray.
It turns into a never-ending job. And sometimes to be honest, it’s a lot easier to let it slowly accumulate than to deal with it immediately all of the time.
How I Deal With It: Honestly, the best way I can put this is I had to give myself grace. I try to stay on top of things as best I can, and try to have the kids clean up at least before they go to bed.
I have this little thing that I always tell myself, that there’s a difference between filthy and just surface level dirty.
Filthy = Food being left out to mold and attract bugs/rotten smells throughout the house
Surface Level Dirty = Toys thrown everywhere and clothing/blankets thrown anywhere
At the end of the day, I can put away a few toys and clothes when things are just surface level dirty. Filthy is a whole other beast though so I tend to concentrate on making sure my home is clean in that way more than I focus on the toys.
4. Having Healthy Meals Prepared Three Times A Day
This one just simply doesn’t and won’t ever happen. I genuinely don’t understand how some of these moms can pull it together to have perfectly proportioned and presented meals for every single meal.
Some days might be a takeout dinner or lunch. Some days it may be frozen chicken nuggets and fries. It’s all a luck of the draw.
How I Deal With It: I honestly don’t stress myself out about this one anymore. It’s so interesting to me how people love to go on about “fed is best” until they’re no longer on formula.
As long as once again everything is in moderation. A chicken nugget and some pudding isn’t gonna kill your kid. And I’m sure they’ll appreciate it a heck of a lot more than quinoa and acai at every meal.
Call me a bad mom if you want but I’m more concerned with making sure that my kids eat every meal than burning myself out trying to keep up with the Jones’.
5. Neglecting My Husband In All Of The Craziness
A huge part of the life of being a SAHM, especially now that he works from home, is my relationship with my husband. In between this pregnancy and the kids I already have, I have zero energy and attention left for him at the end of the day.
Our kids are also little night owls, so by the time we get them off to sleep without a fight, it’s sometimes between 10 and 11 pm.
Unfortunately for both of us, the night’s no longer just getting started at that time lol. I’m usually half asleep by the time everyone is in bed.
How I Deal With It: I really haven’t mastered this one yet. We’ll watch a movie together every now and again, but I really want to master our relationship again. Please let me know in the comments any recommendations you guys have! Also, I’ll keep you guys updated as I try to figure that part out!
As a whole, the message here guys as a mom is to continue to work on your shortfalls, but don’t beat yourself up in the process. None of us really knows what we’re doing, but our family loves us just the same!